this is the most sucky sem break in my entier life... i want to do things but i can't, i want stop thinking about that but i can't. it's just so weird and scary and awkward... i don't know how to deal with this because it's really really hard for me to pretend that everything is okay but i hate what i'm feeling... my head hurts because of confusion and i don't know where to start... it's like my thoughts are jumbled and i don't know how to fix this... can someone help me? all the people close to me doesn't know about this but i don't know why i'm typing it here. i don't know why i should trust you, reader. but aniweiz it would be easier if i will be known as anonymous so that it will be easy for me to open up... i don't know why things doesn't go the way i want them to and idon't know why people can't accept me the way that i really am. you might say that i shouldn't be afraid of showing my inner most self but that is so cliche! i don't want them to see how "emo" i am although i'm really not. in short i'm scared. i was always known as the vivid, strong and bubbly girl who never let anyone pull her down because of her carefree and optimistic attitude. but the truth is for every insult that i her or whenever they talk about me i get really hurt inside and sometimes it's already hard for me to pretend. i feel so tired pretending, to pretend that i'm really strong, to always keep my tears from falling down my cheeks and to always smile even if i feel like breaking down inside. this is my problem, i think i like someone but that person is a girl. i think i'm obssesed bacause whatever i do i keep on thinking of her and it distracts me a lot. don't say i'm inlove because i'm not. i never fell inlove before and i don't know what it feels like but in my situation i don't believe that it really is love. can anyone help me? can you give me answers? how do i get over this feeling? i hate it it's like it's choking me and covering me like a shroud and it's really hard. i don't know what to say anymore but i really don't want this to last. a girl liking a girl doesn't seem so right and i know that she doesn't like me. i mean we are not close or anything but in some ways i notice her teasing me in a indirect manner and i notice that she really doesn't like me. i don't like her either.. i hate the ways she looks, the way she acts, the way she teases me indirectly, the way she doesn't like me at all but this unanticipated feeling just sorta appeard in a freakishly weird manner. i hate it. i really really hate it but now i don't know what to feel. i want to be happy. i mean i feel really happy but something made me realize that something's missing and when i think of that thought her face would suddenly appear in my mind. girl to girl. wrong. i want this madness to stop. Help.
